To Love and Destroy
by HeyyTyler
Summary: To love is to destroy and to be love is to be destroyed. When you are destroyed by the one you love, what do you do then? JacexClary, extensive songfic. Spoiler for COB and possibly COA. M, but only for ch 3 or 4.
1. Probably Wouldn't Be This Way

Hello, this is my first Clary/Jace fic AND my first songfic, so I'm really new at this stuff. But I wont't let you down.

_**SPOILER FOR CITY OF BONES, though I don't know why you'd be reading this if you hadn't already read COB. **_

Disclaimer: Cassandra Clare owns all. LeAnn Rimes owns lyrics.

-Katy

_****_

_Got a date a week from Friday with the Preacher's son,_

_Everybody says he's crazy,_

_I'll have to see._

Clary was sitting on her bed, her chin resting on her knee as she heard a car pull into the drive. Clary felt her foolish heart stupidly speed up. She knew it wasn't him. She hadn't heard from Jace in more than three months. Since they had found out the awful truth. That he was her brother. That the man she loved was her brother. Clary heard a knock on the door. Clary already knew it was Simon; they were supposed to have a date tonight. She was supposed to be moving on, but instead she still felt like she had when she had first learned the horrible truth. She still felt like her heart had been ripped out of her chest.

_I finally moved to Jackson when the summer came,_

_I won't have to pay that boy to rake my leaves._

_I'm probably going on and on,_

_It seems im doing more of that these days._

Clary had moved out of the Institute and back into Luke's house four days after she had discovered the truth. She had been too disgusted with herself to look at Jace every day. Not that she had seen him in the four days she had been at the Institute after they had realized the awful truth. Clary had tried to talk to him, she had needed it, but Jace had smoothly avoided her and Clary had left a few days later. But now, Clary hadn't seen or spoken to him in over three months. Clary's heart splintered into smaller fragments each time she thought of him. Now, she was sure all she had left of a heart was dust. Clary dug her face into her knee as her eyes began to well and sting with unwelcome tears.

_I probably wouldn't be this way,_

_I probably wouldn't hurt so bad._

_I never pictured every minute without you in it,_

_Oh you left so fast._

As the tears fell down her face, staining her jeans, Clary wished she had never met Jace. If she hadn't, she wouldn't know what it was like to be around him, to kiss him, to love him. To have her heart so full and to feel happy. She wouldn't have to miss him.

_Sometimes I see you standing there,_

_Sometimes it's like I'm losing touch._

_Sometimes I feel that I'm so lucky to_

_have had the chance to love this much._

No, she knew that wasn't true. She knew that if she had to choose between one moment with Jace or eternity without him, she would choose Jace Wayland every time. When Clary had finally mustered the strength to leave the house, she had been constantly haunted by images of Jace. She would think she saw him in a crowd or through the window of a shop, but when she had finally chased the person down, it was never him. Muffled by her sobs, Clary heard the doorbell ring once again, but she couldn't resurface from her misery. She was drowning.

_God gave me a moments' grace,_

_Cause if I'd never seen your face,_

_I probably wouldn't be this way._

Even though she knew she was happy to have had him, no matter how short the time, she still wondered if she hasn't seen him, would she be whole? Or would she still feel as if something was missing? As if from a distance, the doorbell's chimes met Clarys ears once again. Clary dug her nails into her legs, raking them across the jeans as she muffled her cries. The pain was excruciating. She felt as though her heart had been thrown about the room and crushed.

_Mama says that I just shouldn't speak to you._

_Susan says that I should just move on._

_You ought to see the way these people look at me_

_When they see me round here talking to this stone._

_Everybody thinks I've lot my mind_

_But I just take it day by day_

Clary saw the way everyone looked at her. At first, they had tried to give her time, but as the weeks had dragged on and the pain and Clary's tears hadn't relented, Clary had become a recluse. She hadn't wanted to do anything. She hadn't wanted to be with anyone. Everything reminded her of him. Simon, Luke and her mother had tried to get her to join them in activities, they had told her she was being overdramatic and she needed to get over Jace. Clary had merely stared at them uncomprehendingly, flinching at his name. His name brought an extra stab of pain to her heart.

_I probably wouldn't be this way_

_I probably wouldn't hurt so bad_

_I never pictured every minute_

_Without you in it,_

_Oh you left so fast._

After what felt like hours of clenching her fists in pain, Clary stood and got off the bed. Tears still sliding down her face, she walked over to the white dresser in her room. Clary opened the top drawer and removed the only item in it: the dagger Jace had given her. Its hilt was inlaid with red jewels, the end razor sharp. Clary sat in the bed and gazed at the only piece of proof she had that Jace was even real, instead of a painful figment of her imagination. She had never taken a picture of him; she had always thought his beauty couldn't be captured on film, so why bother? Clary stared at the precious dagger, it was her most prized possession, and the tears continued to fall, landing on the dagger. Once more, Clary heard the indistinct knock, but ignored it. In the back of her mind, she knew she was forgetting something, but all she could think about, all she could remember, was the pain she was experiencing. It was her reality.

_Sometimes I feel you standing there,_

_Sometimes I feel an angel's touch_

_Sometimes I feel that I'm so lucky_

_to have had the chance to love this much._

Clary was constantly haunted by the feeling that he was there, her angel, watching her, that he had returned, come looking for her. But that wasn't the case, it was never the case. Clary knew he would never come back, not with the knowledge they both had. Neither of them would return to the other. Neither of them would be held in the others arms. Neither would ever return home.

_God gave me a moments' grace,_

_Cause if I'd never seen your face,_

_I probably wouldn't be this way._

Clary heard a last, insistent knock trying to push through the fog in her mind, but she ignored it. Clary stared down at the dagger in her hands, its sharp tip biting into her skin. She watched as blood pooled around the shiny edge of the blade. Clary couldn't feel the pain; she was numb. She would never feel anything again.

_I probably wouldn't be this way._

_Got a date a week from Friday with the Preacher's son._

_Everybody says I'm crazy._

_Guess I'll have to see._

Clary heard the car door slam, angrily and tires on the gravel as Simon's car pulled away. Clary was surprised when she suddenly felt the sting of the knife biting into her wrist. She dropped the dagger, watching as it fell. He's never coming back, Clary thought, as the dagger fell and the red jewels shattered into fragments. Her last thought, as she stared at the red shards, was she wasn't entirely sure which man the last thought had been about.

***

So, yea. REVIEW, please. And the next chapter should be in Jace's perspective, which is always fantastic.

-Katy


	2. Heartbreak Warfare

Hello all. Quick announcement, this might become a_** City of Glass spoiler**_ as well, so I'll let you know when that chapter comes.

Disclaimer: Cassandra Clare owns all characters, shadowhunters etc.

John Mayer owns lyrics to Heartbreak Warfare.

***

_Lightning strikes_

_Inside, my chest to keep me up at night_

_Dream of ways_

_To make you understand my pain_

Jace sat bolt upright in his bed, his heart racing. He'd been dreaming of Clary, again. He dreamt of Clary nearly every night, he had for the past three months. It was always the same dream too, but it always felt new to Jace. Jace rolled out of bed, he knew he would never be able to go back to sleep tonight, after having the dream, he was always up the rest of the night. You've become an insomniac, Jace; pretty soon you'll be memorizing the Rubix Cube in your free time, he sarcastically thought to himself. He glanced out the window; the sky was pitch-black dark, occasionally lit up with violent lightening. Jace started walking, while he thought back to his dream.

_Clouds of sulfur in the air_

_Bombs are falling everywhere_

_It's heartbreak warfare_

_Once you want it to begin,_

_No one really ever wins_

_In heartbreak warfare_

The dream always seemed like an old Shadowhunter battle Jace had once fought; the one where he had defeated a Greater Demon, one of his finer moments, really. Jace was surrounded by dust and chaos. He couldn't see anything except for the dust, and the fire. It looked like someone, Shadowhunter or demon, he couldn't tell, had set something on fire. He could hear screams and roars and Angel knew what other kinds of noises. Jace was wearing his Shadowhunter gear, runes were scrawled over his body, his left hand clenching a dagger, inlaid with blue gems. A demon charged at him and he jumped over it, jabbing the knife into its heart. He yanked the dagger out of the beast's chest as it folded into itself. He was covered in ichor. Jace ignored the stench the ichor gave off; he had long since become accustomed to it. Jace looked around, searching for any sign of the Lightwoods, but there was none.

_If you want more love,_

_why don't you say so?_

_If you want more love,_

_why don't you say so?_

As Jace scanned the battlefield, he saw a flash of red out of his periphery. He turned towards the color and saw her. His heart stopped. It was her. Clary. The woman he loved. The woman he hadn't seen in three months. His sister.

_Drop his name_

_Push it in and twist the knife again_

_Watch my face_

_As I pretend to feel no pain, _

_Pain,_

_Pain._

Clary walked towards him, slowly, like she was gliding. Jace stood, dumbstruck, watching as her beautiful, fiery hair flowed behind her. She was wearing Shadowhunter gear and holding the red dagger, the twin of the dagger Jace was holding. Suddenly, she was two feet away from him and he could smell her scent, despite the overwhelming scent of ichor wafting off of his clothing.

"Jace." She said his name before leaning in to kiss him.

Their lips were barely an inch apart when he felt the flash of pain. Jace looked down to see her dagger sticking out of his torso. His blood was running down over the hilt, the crimson liquid matching the red jewels inlaid into the hilt.

_Clouds of sulfur in the air_

_Bombs are falling everywhere_

_It's heartbreak warfare_

_Once you want it to begin,_

_No one really ever wins_

_In heartbreak warfare._

Jace grabbed the red hilt of the blade and quickly pulled it out, gritting his teeth in pain. But, the pain was nothing compared to what he had felt in the past few months. No amount of pain would ever be equal to the pain he had felt when he lost Clary, to the pain he still felt. He then drew an iratze, a healing rune, on his arm before turning towards Clary. She was beautiful, still. Her fiery hair was accentuated by the fires burning around them. Her green eyes shone in malice, accusing him. And he knew why. He had broken her heart when they had discovered the truth. He hadn't meant to, of course, he would never purposely hurt her, but he had become so disgusted with himself that he had driven her away. And now, he would never see her again but in his dreams.

_If you want more love,_

_why don't you say so?_

_If you want more love,_

_why don't you say so?_

_Just say so..._

Jace wished everyday that he could go back in time and stop them from discovering the truth, from Valentine telling them. He wished he could save Clary and himself from the pain. But he knew that he couldn't erase the past anymore than he could erase the pain he still felt. Jace stared at Clary. Anger and malice radiated off of her body, hitting him in sharp, painful waves. Clary ran at him, her fist swinging towards his face.

_How come the only way to know how high you get me_

_is to see how far I fall_

_God only knows how much I'd love you if you let me_

_but I can't break through at all._

_It's a heartbreak..._

Jace ducked her punch, grabbing her arm and twisting it behind her back, where she couldn't use it to hit him again. Jace had his hand wrapped around her wrist, her fragile wrist. It felt like it could snap if he applied too much pressure. He didn't want to do that. Didn't want to hurt her. Suddenly, she had wriggled her way out of his grasp and was tackling him. He had forgotten who had trained her: he had. She was sitting on his chest, her hands grappling with his, suddenly, hers had found the red dagger at his belt and was in a fatal position, right above his heart.

_I don't care if we don't sleep at all tonight_

_Let's just fix this whole thing now_

_I swear to God we're gonna get it right_

_If you lay your weapon down_

Jace's heart was pounding in his ears, his blood rushing in his veins. He tried to block the blow. He begged her to lay her weapon down, to talk things out. Jace understood she was hurt, understood more than anyone. But Clary didn't listen. The dagger was plunging towards his chest and there was nothing Jace could do.

_Red wine and Ambien_

_You're talking shit again, it's heartbreak warfare_

_Good to know it's all a game_

Suddenly, Jace had the blue dagger in his hands, the stones feeling cool against his skin. And then, Jace was flipping Clary off his chest and pinning her to the ground with his forearm. His blond hair was falling in his eyes, making it hard to see but he still managed to lock his tawny eyes onto Clary's green ones as his arm moved of it's own accord. Jace watched as the dagger plunged into Clary's heart. He watched as his own hand killed the woman he loved. He watched as her blood covered his own hands and mixed with his tears, as her eyes went dark, as his only light faded.

_Disappointment has a name, it's heartbreak warfare._

Jace shook himself out of his nightmare and took in his surroundings. He was standing on the roof of the Institute, lightening cracking down the center of the dark sky, thunder rolling overhead.

_Heartbreak warfare._

Jace didn't know what he was doing, but something was calling to him. His feet moved without him telling him to. Jace's feet moved until he was standing at the edge of the building, the edge of despair.

_Heartbreak warfare._

Jace took a final step and stepped off of the building, his foot meeting not stone but air. Clary's face, laughing and unharmed, before they had discovered the truth, before they had been burdened with it, swam before his eyes as Jace plummeted towards the ground.

***

I think it would be a great idea if you reviewed, don't you? Haha, only kidding. You don't have to if you don't want to. But reviews are greatly appreciated.

-Katy


	3. Breaking Inside

Hello, thanks for reviewing last chapter. Here is chapter 3.

Cassandra Clare owns all characters.

Shinedown owns the lyrics to Breaking Inside.

-Katy

_***_

_I caught a chill_

_and it's still frozen on my skin_

_I think about why_

_I'm alone, by myself_

Clary was sitting in a taxi, the fake leather seats feeling sticky underneath her skin. After Jace's dagger had slipped, she had felt the icy cold of the dagger and her warm blood, she had felt shock and surprise, and, most of all, she hadn't felt agony, but the desire for it to disappear. She hadn't felt any sort of feeling, other than the pain caused by her separation from Jace, for three entire months. And then, suddenly, as the dagger had carved a shallow path into her wrist, Clary had wanted agony to let go of her. As she had watched the dagger crash, Clary had made her mind. She would go to Jace. She had to. Clary didn't want to spend the rest of her life numb, feeling only pain caused by Jace's absence. She wanted to feel happy. Even if it was accompanied by disgust. Clary was alone, she had no one anymore. And it was all because of who her brother was.

_No one else to explain_

_how far do I go'_

_No one knows_

Clary wasn't sure what she would do once she got there, all she knew was that she could feel again, she wasn't being suffocated by the pain and that was because she was on her way to the Institute, on her way to Jace. She had to see him.

_If the end is so much better, why don't we just live forever'_

_Don't tell me I'm the last one in line_

_Don't tell me I'm too late this time_

As Clary watched the buildings containing sleeping people whizz by, she clutched at the sticky leather of the cab's seats, eagerly hoping that she wasn't too late. That Jace hadn't moved on. The dark sky was suddenly broken by a single strike of lightening, and Clary felt her resolve harden even further. She wouldn't give him up so easily.

_I don't want to live_

_To waste another day_

_Underneath the shadow of mistakes I made_

Clary was finished with living without seeing his face, the face she wanted desperately to wake up to every morning. She knew it wasn't right, that it was twisted, and sick, and disgusting, but she also knew that it was what she wanted and she didn't want to die alone, without feeling anything other than the pain. She knew that if the others knew, they wouldn't forgive her for it, they would be too disgusted with her to continue to talk to her, but Clary would rather have Jace and be deserted by everyone else, than be surrounded by people and without him.

_Cause I feel like I'm Breaking Inside_

_I don't want to fall and say I lost it all_

Clary sighed and turned her face from the window, staring at the dirty, stained carpet of the taxi floor. She didn't want to lose him. She knew that if she went to him, she could just as easily lose him as reunite with Jace. Clary looked down at her hands and fiddled with the bandage over the wound on her wrist from Jace's dagger. She wasn't sure if she would survive without him. She wasn't sure if she would want to.

'_Cause baby there's a part of me that hit the wall_

_Leaving pieces of me behind_

_And I feel like I'm breaking inside_

Clary's mind flashed back to moment before they had discovered the truth. Jace's mouth was pressed harshly against hers, nearly bruising it. His hands were everywhere, leaving trails of fire wherever they touched her skin. Suddenly, he had pushed her roughly against the wall, pinning her to it. Clary's hands were tracing the thin, white scars on his chest and arms. And then, the door had opened and they were both brought back to reality. Clary had felt the blood rushing to her face, and then she had seen who was at the door. Clary shook herself out of the memory before it crumbled her resolve. When Clary had heard those fateful, awful words, a part of her had been left against the wall, a part she had never gotten back.

_Out here, nothings clear_

_Except the moment I decided to move on and I ignited_

After the moment Clary had heard the truth, she had barely any recollection. Clary could remember small, insignificant moments. Her, knocking on Jace's door repeatedly, but to no avail. He was ignoring her. Running into Jace once, in the hallway, reaching out her hand to stop him, to talk to him, but Jace had darted away before Clary could form the words. She remembered crying in her room, and, on more than one occasion, being sure she heard crying coming from Jace's room as well. Then, after four days of indistinct activity and sharp pain, Clary had packed up her things and left the Institute. Clary remembered that as she left, she had looked up into the windows of the large building and saw Jace's silhouette watching her leave.

_Disappear into the fear_

_You know there ain't no comin' back_

_When you're still carrying the past_

_You can't erase, separate_

Clary hadn't wanted to go back, hadn't been able to live with the thought, for months. But now, she could feel; she had a small glimmer of hope in the pit of her stomach. She hadn't been able to face Jace and herself while she was holding onto the past, when they discovered the truth. But now, Clary had let go of the truth, of the past, and she was ready to accept the fact that she couldn't erase the past, but she also couldn't erase the fact that she loved Jace.

_I won't be the last one in line_

_I finally figured out what's mine_

Clary wasn't going to accept it if Jace had moved on. She knew he loved her as much as she loved him. She understood if the disgust was too much for him to accept, but she wasn't going to lose him to another girl. She couldn't. He was hers and she was his.

_I don't want to live_

_To waste another day_

_Underneath the shadow of mistakes I made_

Clary didn't want to waste her life away waiting for another man to make her feel the way Jace already did. She no longer cared if he was her brother, she loved him. She would deal with the disgusted looks and insults; she couldn't live without him any longer. It wasn't possible.

_'Cause baby there's a part of me that hit the wall_

_Leaving pieces of me behind_

_Leaving pieces of me behind_

_And I feel like I'm breaking inside_

Clary's mind tried to flash back to the moment she was told about who she really was, but she forced herself to concentrate on the threadbare, worn rug underneath her feet, on the ash tray sitting just to the left of the cupholder, on her grey Sketchers, worn and frayed. She knew that if she let her mind return to the moment she was told the truth, she would leave more pieces of herself behind in that room, in that place in time. Clary had already left most of her heart there, she wasn't sure what else of herself she could spare.

_I won't be the last one in line,_

_I finally figured out what's mine_

Clary turned, facing the window once again, but this time she didn't see the sky outside, the lightening splitting it. Instead, she saw Jace's perfect face; she saw his straight nose, his narrow mouth, his beautiful, wild golden hair, and his fierce tawny eyes. She saw the face of the man she loved. The face of the one person she knew she could never leave, not truly. Clary knew that though she could try to distance herself from him, it was impossible. The separation only caused ache in the remains of her heart. She knew that she could never truly leave him; he had her heart. It belonged to him.

_I don't want to live_

_To waste another day_

_Underneath the shadow of mistakes I made_

As long as Jace Wayland had her heart, which Clary suspected would be for the rest of her life and possibly after that, she couldn't ever truly leave him and he could never truly leave her. He would always be in her heart, in her thoughts.

'_Cause I feel like I'm breaking inside_

_I don't want to fall and say I lost it all_

'_Cause baby there's a part of me that hit the wall_

_Leaving pieces of me behind_

As Clary continued to watch New York pass by, the rain started to pour. It washed away the trash and a couple of odd objects like a shoe and a plastic sword. Clary wished the rain could wash away the past, the truth, but she knew from experience that it couldn't.

_Leaving pieces of me behind_

Clary looked out of the window, the Institute looked exactly as it had three months ago, shabby and old. But she knew that if she removed the glamour she would see its true self. Clary paid the cab driver, grabbed the door handle, and stepped onto the sidewalk; she had finally returned to where it had all happened, where she had left her heart.

_And I feel like I'm breaking inside_

It was raining and Clary had to focus so she wouldn't slip on the soaked sidewalk. As she walked down the sidewalk towards the entrance to the Institute, she caught movement in her periphery. Clary flicked her eyes up, towards the roof and saw a silhouette on the roof. Lightening split through the darkness, illuminating the figure for a second, but that was all the time Clary needed to realize who it was. Jace. His hair and clothing were plastered to his body and face; he had been standing there for a while. As Clary started to wonder what he was doing on the roof, she saw him near the edge. Clary stood, paralyzed, hoping he wasn't doing what she thought he was. Clary's hope was shattered as soon as she saw Jace stick one bare foot out over the edge. Clary watched, petrified, as Jace walked off of the roof of the Institute.

_And I feel like I'm breaking,_

Clary started running towards Jace, watching as his body fell stories, plummeting towards the earth below. Clary was sprinting, yelling his name, her screams muted by the thunder. Her heart was pounding, she was running faster than she could have ever imagined, but she felt as if she was in slow motion. Her red hair was falling in her face, the thorns of the surrounding bushes pulling at her skin and clothes, slowing her pace further. She wasn't going to make it.

_I feel like I'm breaking inside_

Clary saw Jace's body, lean and muscular, hit the earth and a cloud of dust rose up, blocking him from view. Clary heard a scream cut through the thunder before all went silent.

_***_

Hey guys, thanks to those who reviewed last week!

If you guys like Harry Potter and you want a story with an excellent plot, then I suggest reading my other fanfic, **A phoenix Does Not Fear Ashes.** It's coming along nicely and I just posted its 10th chapter.

So anyway, Chapter four for this one should be up soon, and expect it to have some yummy JacexClary scenes.

-Katy


	4. Dance Inside

I'm sorry for such a long wait!!! I would like to mention that this chapter contains the first dialogue in the fanfic so far. Though it's slightly sad that I can write three chapters without actually having the characters talk to one another, it's also sort of cool. In my opinion.

Disclaimer: Cassandra Clare owns Jace and Clary (she can have Clary, but I would prefer to keep Jace for my own)

All American Rejects own the lyrics to Dance Inside.

-Katy

***

Jace peeled his face off the dirt, his body felt as if it had been hit by a truck. Well, of course it does, dumbass, Jace thought to himself, you just strolled off the top of the Institute. Jace saw a flash of red in his periphery and looked up. His eyes met Clary's green ones. Jace felt as if he couldn't breathe. His mind became overwhelmed with memories.

_you dont _have_ to move, you don't have to speak_

_lips for biting._

_you're staring me down, a glance makes me weak_

_eyes for striking_

Jace felt Clary's soft skin pressed against his, her every curve perfectly molded to his hard muscles. Her hands were curled around his, her nails sinking into the skin. Jace sunk his teeth into her shoulder, muffling his cry of ecstasy. Jace lifted his head, looking into her eyes, losing himself in them.

_now im twisting up when i'm twisted with you_

_brush so lightly_

_and time trickles down, and i'm breathing for two_

_squeeze so tightly._

Jace flipped Clary onto her back, their legs twisting in the process. Her feet were pressed against the his shins, her thighs wrapped around his torso. Jace didn't know where he ended and she began. He didn't want to. Jace reached up, brushing strands of hair out of Clary's face. He tucked the soft, silky red curls behind her ear, leaning down to kiss her plump mouth. Time had stopped long ago. No one existed except for the girl beneath him. Jace gulped in air, panting in pleasure. He squeezed her hands, each on one side of her head, as her thighs squeezed around his torso, pulling him closer.

_i'll be fine, you'll be fine._

_this moment seems so long_

_don't waste now, precious time_

_we'll dance inside the song_

Jace leaned his head over hers, his mouth grazing her ear. "Are you okay?" he whispered. Jace felt her head nod against his, "You look incredible." Jace returned to his former position, his arms supporting his weight, his hands on either side of her face, clutching hers. Jace looked down at her as time slowed even further.

_what makes the one to shake you down?_

_each touch belongs to each new sound_

_say now you want to shake me too_

_move down to me, slip into you_

Jace stared at Clary's face; her red hair was curled and messy, her cheeks flushed in bliss. Her green eyes stared into his, wide-awake. Jace's entire being was thrumming with exhilaration. He had never been so alive. Jace had been with girls before, but it had been mindless, pointless sex with them. With Clary, he was putting his entire heart and soul into this. Jace felt Clary's leg move, heard her sigh of pleasure. Jace smiled, increasing his speed.

_she sinks in her mind as she sheds through her skin_

_touch like taste like fire_

_hands do now what eyes no longer defend_

_hands to fuel desire_

Jace was on fire, every move he made, every look Clary gave him was feeding the flame. Jace bent down to kiss her, his lips locked on hers passionately. Jace had thought about this moment, he had been too strong when he first met Clary. But she had weakened his defenses. He had given in to temptation. Jace dropped Clary's hands, pulling her closer, running his hands all over her soft body.

_and i'll be fine, you'll be fine_

_is this fine? im not fine_

_give me pieces, give me things to stay awake_

Jace knew he would never be the same. Clary had changed him forever. Jace moved his jaw to her ear, his lips tickling her ear lobe. "I love you." He whispered, knowing it was true. He would never be able to go back to the way he had been before he had seen her. He would always belong to Clary Fray.

_what makes the one to shake you down?_

_each touch belongs to each new sound_

_say now you want to shake me too_

_move down to me, slip into you_

Jace straightened up, dragging himself off the ground, his eyes meeting Clary's green ones. Jace felt as if he couldn't breathe. His mind was overwhelmed with the echoes of memories.

"Hey, Clary."

***

And there's that awesome dialogue! Thank you to everyone who reviewed! I got tons of great feedback, and it was totally awesome. (if you understand what I just quoted, then I give you props)

So, review! And I'll try not to let TWO weeks pass without updating. Sorry about that.

-Katy


	5. You Found Me

Hi, sorry it's been so long!

Disclaimer: Cassandra Clare owns all characters.

The Fray owns the lyrics to You Found Me

***

_I found God on the corner of First and Amistad_

_Where the West was all but won._

"Hey Clary". Clary heard her name, spoken from Jace's lips, as if nothing had changed. But it had. Clary turned her head, looking at the street, at the corner, at the street sign telling her that she was at the corner of First and Amistad. As if she hadn't dreamed of this place, of this man, every night for the past three months. Clary turned her face toward Jace. He was standing, his lopsided grin in place. Clary felt her heart rate slow. She had been so afraid that he was dead; she didn't know whether she wanted to slap him or kiss him. Jace's hair was wild and untamed, as usual, just like his personality.

_All alone,_

_Smoking his last cigarette,_

Clary glanced into his fierce tawny eyes, before returning her gaze to his grin. His grin reminded her of the times they window shopped, walking down the avenues, one of his hands clutching a cigarette, the other holding her hand gently. But they weren't window shopping, they weren't doing anything relatively normal. It was midnight. They were both soaked. She had her wrist wrapped in a towel; he had just jumped off of a building and survived, completely unscathed. They were both alone and miserable.

_I said "where you been?"_

_He said, "Ask anything."_

Clary returned her eyes to his, snapping her mind back to the present.

"Where have you been Jace?" Clary asked, cringing internally at the plea in her voice.

Jace, who had been staring at his bare feet, snapped his eyes to hers, "Ask anything."

_Where were you?_

_When everything was falling apart?_

_All my days,_

_Spent by the telephone._

_That never rang._

_All I needed was a call_

_That never came._

_The corner of First and Amistad..._

Clary looked at him, startled. She had expected a lot of responses, but not that. She had expected him to tell her that he hated her and didn't want to ever see her again. She had expected him to turn around and walk away. She had even hoped he would hug her. But this? What did she say to this? Clary cleared her throat, coming to the resolution to do exactly what he had asked.

"Where were you, Jace? Were you here the entire time? Were you a phone call away the entire time? All this time you were a fifteen minutes cab ride away, but you never came by. You never called me. You never talked to me. It's been three months Jace. I tried to talk to you at the Institute. You know that. But you never even attempted to call me back, to visit. I've been going crazy, Jace. I've spent entire nights waiting by the telephone, sure that you would call eventually. But you never did. Why not?" As Clary's voice died in her throat, she became aware of the tears silently sliding down her face, tracking trails down her cheeks. Embarrassed, she wiped them away, before crossing her arms and turning her head back towards the corner.

_Lost and insecure,_

_You found me, you found me_

_Lying on the floor,_

_Surrounded, surrounded._

_Why'd you have to wait?_

_Where were you? Where were you?_

_Just a little late..._

_You found me, you found me_

Jace watched Clary's face, studied her tears sliding down her face. He'd really hurt her, he realized with shame. Jace cleared his throat, trying to form the right words in his brain, but all he could do was wonder what had brought her here now. After all this time, after all of the pain he'd been through. After three months of non-stop agony, she'd shown up, in the dead of night, literally on his doorstep. She'd found him lying in the dirt, surrounded only by his own loneliness and pain. Why'd she wait? He wondered. Where had _she_ been?

"I was here the entire time. I'd been in too much pain, Clary. I didn't want to see you, I wanted to forget you. I tried. It didn't work." Jace laughed under his breath. "You're unforgettable. And _you_ were the one who left. Not me. You left, and I thought that you wouldn't want to see me, so I didn't look for you." Jace said, his defensive tone betraying his pain.

_In the end,_

_Everyone ends up alone._

_Losing her,_

_The only one who's ever known_

_Who I am, who I'm not, who I wanna be._

_No way to know_

_How long she will be next to me..._

Jace immediately regretted his words, his harsh tone. He didn't want to scare her off, to lose her, again. He didn't want to be alone anymore. He didn't want to miss her anymore. He wanted her next to him.

_Early morning,_

_City breaks._

Clary continued to watch the sky, processing Jace's words. He'd been hurt too, she knew. She just hadn't known how deeply. Clary watched the sky as the first hint of sun began to peek through the cover of darkness; a pinprick of rose began to crawl across the dark mass, brightening it, giving hope.

_I've been calling_

_For years and years and years and years._

_And you never left me no messages;_

_You never send me no letters;_

_You got some kind of nerve_

_Taking all our love._

Jace turned toward the sky as well, his thoughts elsewhere, on the girl next to him and the past three months. He'd called her name out, so many times. He'd awoken countless times to her name formed on his lips, his vocal chords strung. Alec and Isabelle had often complained of his sleep talking, until eventually they had relocated to a different part of the Institute. Jace closed his eyes in pain. Clary hadn't tried to contact him either. She hadn't called, hadn't taken a cab to visit, hadn't sent a letter. When she'd left, it had been the last he'd heard of her. He had watched, his hand pressed to the cold pane of a window, as she had walked out of the doors of the Institute, strolled down the street, dragging her luggage behind her, and sped off in a cab, taking his heart with her.

_Lost and insecure,_

_You found me, you found me_

_Lying on the floor,_

_Where were you? Where were you?_

"Where were you, Clary?" Jace asked, his heart clenching painfully as he said her name.

_Lost and insecure,_

_You found me, you found me._

_Lying on the floor,_

_Surround me, surround me._

Clary started at her name, returning from her thoughts. She turned towards Jace to see him staring at her, accusingly. "I was at my house. The entire time. Simon and my mother and Luke tried to get me to leave, but I couldn't. I couldn't enjoy normal activities. It was like a piece of myself was missing, but I couldn't get it back."

_Why'd you have to wait?_

_Where were you? Where were you?_

_Just a little late_

Jace smiled to himself. He had been lost, so lost, without her, but now he felt as if he had been found. He knew exactly what Clary was talking about. He had lost a part of himself when she left. His heart.

_,_

_You found me, you found me._

Jace looked at the girl he loved, the girl who had found him, who had returned his missing heart. The sunrise's rays were shining into her face, illuminating it. Clary was still crying, silently. Her green eyes reflecting the sunrise perfectly as the tears trailed down her cheeks.

_Why'd you have to wait?_

_To find me?_

_To find me?_

Acting on impulse, Jace threw away his former thoughts, deciding he didn't care where she had been, why she hadn't come sooner. She was here now. Jace strode quickly over to her, grabbing her small face in his long hands, and stared into her eyes. Jace wiped her tears away from her face with his thumbs. They were two silhouettes against the rising sun; he leaning over her, staring into her eyes as if they held the answers to the secrets of the world. "I don't care what people would think, anymore." Jace whispered, before crushing his lips to hers.

***

Hope you enjoyed it! Thanks to everyone who reviewed last time!

Don't forget to review!

-Katy


	6. Promises

Hello all. I know its been forever since I posted and you probably hate me, but hopefully this chapter, the final chapter, makes up for it a little. Song is Your Guardian Angel by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. It's fantastic.

-Katy

_****_

_When I see your smile_

_Tears run down my face_

Clary hugged Jace tightly to her chest as the sun started to rise above the horizon. Looking up, she saw he was looking down at her, smiling. His face was radiating with happiness, an extreme contrast between moments before, when he had fallen off the Institute, his body tumbling gracefully towards the ground as the storm rolled above him, thunder roaring, lightening cracking, the clouds swirling. His tawny eyes were on fire with warmth and passion, a look so different to his normally cool features hiding from the world. Clary felt a sleek, wet feeling on her cheeks and noticed that she was still crying. Tears of happiness were rolling down her face, rather than the tears of anger and pain that had been present moments ago. No, those tears had been wiped away by Jace.

_I can't replace_

_And now that I'm strong_

Clary knew she couldn't ever replace the man in front of her, she had tried. She had spent three months, trying to forget him, trying to cast him out of her mind, but the more she had tried to get rid of the memories, the more they returned. They had haunted her dreams and waking moments, torturing her, telling her over and over that he was the one. She couldn't replace him. They would make this work, she knew. Now, she had gone three months without seeing him. She had reached the edge of crazy and plummeted into the depths of its dark crevice, lying at the bottom, staring up at the starless night, devoid of all hope. She had struggled to drag herself out of the hole, hand over hand, until her body ached and bled. She had survived and become strong. She could do anything as long as she had Jace, as long as he was near.

_I have figured out_

_How this world turns cold_

_and it breaks through my soul_

_And I know I'll find_

_deep inside me_

_I can be the one_

Clary was no longer the young, naïve girl Jace had met in Pandemonium months ago; she knew how the world worked. She knew now that people fell in love and got their hearts broken and fell in and out of depression. She knew that there was a deep, black pit that was nearly inescapable. She knew that it was possible to be unable to survive without another person, without a reason. She knew how much a heart could hurt, from both emptiness and fullness. And throughout it all, she knew the world would keep spinning. The world was ignorant of the suffering on its soils, it didn't care. No matter how many wars were waged on its terrain, no matter how much blood was shed or how many hearts broken, the world continued to spin, oblivious of the pain. But she also knew now that she didn't care. She was like the world, as long as Jace was near her, holding her down like gravity, she would keep spinning.

_I will never let you fall _

_I'll stand up with you forever_

_I'll be there for you through it all_

_Even if saving you sends me to heaven_

Clary pressed her face to Jace's chest, taking in his scent, of leather and blood and the clean of soap, as he pressed his face against the top of her head. She knew now that she would always be near him, ready to stand up against all monsters, human and demon alike, she would watch his back, she wouldn't let him fall. She would save him from everything, from physical and emotional pain, even if it killed her. This was the promise she made to herself as she stood there, wrapped in his arms, as the sun gently rose above the horizon, flushing the world in a soft, pink-orange.

_It's okay. It's okay. It's okay._

_Seasons are changing_

_And waves are crashing_

_And stars are falling all for us_

_Days grow longer and nights grow shorter_

_I can show you I'll be the one_

Clary felt like the world was rapidly spinning, seasons changing, waves crashing, stars falling, while she and Jace stood still, unchanged. Days were growing longer, nights shorter, but she and Jace didn't move, didn't release their holds on one another. The sun could have risen and set, minutes and days and months could have passed. None of it mattered. The passing of time meant nothing anymore. Before, in those three awful months, the passage of time had meant everything. Every minute was another minute without Jace, another minute in which he hadn't called. Now that she had her arms wrapped around Jace, though, it was as if time had ceased to exist. The world kept spinning, but she couldn't find the will to care.

_I will never let you fall _

_I'll stand up with you forever_

_I'll be there for you through it all _

_Even if saving you sends me to heaven_

Clary leaned her head back to look once more at Jace. His face was beaming, looking happier than she had ever seen him. His perfect, white teeth were showing as his thin lips pulled back into a glorious smile, reminding Clary of a new day, one in which all mistakes of the past were erased and forgotten. Her tawny eyes twinkled beneath his golden mane of hair, reminding Clary of her promise. She would be there for him forever; she wouldn't leave his side any longer than she had to. And she would be with him, she knew. She would have his back when he needed it, would protect him with all her might, would die if she had to. She would spend the rest of her life, forever, doing that. She had forever to be with him, _her_ world had stopped spinning, after all.

_Cuz you're my, you're my, my, my true love, my whole heart_

_Please don't throw that away_

_Cuz I'm here for you_

_Please don't walk away and_

_Please tell me you'll stay, stay_

Her world had stopped spinning because he was her world. Over the past three months, he had made it toss and turn, rock and shake. It had been whirling and spinning through the galaxies, searching for a place to belong to. He had sent earthquakes rolling down on it and floods to submerge it, until nothing existed but a tiny remnant of its once great glory. But now he was back and the waters had subsided, the world had been rebuilt and it had stopped shaking, stopped spinning. He was her true love, her whole heart, her entire world. And she loved him. She knew he had to walk away soon, for fear someone would see them hugging, but she didn't want him to leave just yet. He couldn't walk away right now.

_Use me as you will_

_Pull my strings just for a thrill_

_And I know I'll be okay_

_Though my skies are turning gray_

Clary stared into the tawny eyes of the man she loved, resting her head on his muscled chest. She knew he wasn't using her. But Clary knew even if he was playing with her, she would let him pull her strings, just for the thrill. She would be his puppet if he wanted her to. She would dance when she asked. She would clear the skies if he wanted. She knew he would never do that though. What they had was real, fantastic. It was fireworks on an ordinary day, a rainbow without the rain. It was heat lightening, hot and brilliant. It was ninety-degree weather in the middle of a blizzard. When everything else around them was cold and ordinary and distant, what they had was brilliant and warm and explosive.

_I will never let you fall_

_I'll stand up with you forever_

_I'll be there for you through it all_

_Even if saving you sends me to heaven_

Clary stood on her tiptoes as the sun topped the city's skyline, illuminating the two figures and setting Clary's coppery hair on fire. Clary pressed her lips to Jace's, opening her eyes to see his tawny ones on her, his golden hair bright like the sun. She deepened the kiss, slipping her tongue gently in as Jace curled his fingers in her hair, pulling her gently closer to him. As the sun rose higher in the sky, becoming hot on their backs, Clary knew it was time to leave. Others would see them, others who didn't understand. Clary broke the kiss, her eyes meeting Jace's which were filled with all the love he felt for her, and she turned to walk away, promising to return quickly. As Clary quickly walked down the damp sidewalk, the smell of rain still hanging in the air, the taste of Jace still on her lips, she knew she had a lot of promises to keep, but for Jace, she would.

***

As I said before, I'm so so so sorry about the late update! I've been busy with my other fanfic, A Phoenix Does Not Fear The Ashes, which I know is no excuse, but im sorry. I hope that made up for it. I worked by butt off on that chapter, trying to fit in all my ideas. Well, I suppose this is goodbye, for now. That was the final chapter and though im sad its over, I like the way it turned out. But hey, if you're going to miss me, check out my other fanfic. People say its pretty good.

Later,

Katy


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